Undercover Shopper. Beast Bopper

Now if we were running an Op Shop, a business who's main goal is to raise funds for whatever worthwhile charity we happen to be named after, we probably wouldn't mind who or what is buying our stuff nor what they were buying it for. The important thing being that items were sold, money raised, and goats were air dropped by tiny parachute to drought stricken villages.
And you know what, this is a logical stance and probably how most op shop volunteers feel. Nonetheless, knowing this doesn't stop us from coming over all coy every time we set foot inside one of these places and for us to construct unnecessarily elaborate ruses as to the true reason why we are purchasing these goods.
We'll ummm, and ahhh, over something that is clearly not for us, 'oh yes, my mum would look good in this' (no she won't, it really isn't her style) or 'your sister could get this as part of that baby shower' (she's not pregnant, just has solid bones).

One time Mr G was Op Shopping it solo style. An overly friendly volunteer exclaimed when he proffered the fashionably vintage threads to the front counter, 'oh no, they possible couldn't be for you, they're way too big for you'. Mr G mutters something about taking them in. What follows is a painful charade as the volunteer demonstrated to Mr G how you can tell if something will fit you without actually trying it on. The verdict: Too big. Mr G then says something about it being for his partner.

'Oh yes, well, he will like it' she says, admiring the material whilst calculating how much to charge for them. 'Sorry, he?' Mr G asks. 'Oh, she says, I don't mean to pry but I just assumed you were gay'.
Mr G does a quick mental arithmetic in his head to work out whether he can get a better price if she thinks he is gay or not and decides it can't hurt.
When Mr G returns home he says to Mz P, you know, perhaps it really would be easier if we just told them what we are buying these things for, I'm sure they wouldn't mind'.
Mz P appraises him with a worldy air and says, no, the grandmas, the minute they think you might be going to make a profit from it they'll jack up the price. Besides, my parents assumed you were gay when they first met you. Something to do with your long, groomed fingernails.
Mz P begins to examine the day's catch. Mr G contemplates whether wearing nail polish might help next time as he sits down to work on his website.